Dementia – Join people in their world – don’t try to bring them into your own

A few years ago, I visited the House of Memories in Liverpool, and I came away with insights that I believe could help others understand dementia better.

Dementia is a brain disease that progressively affects not only memory but also daily functions such as communication, motor skills, perception, and the sequencing of tasks. As the condition advances, individuals may require support and care to ensure their safety and comfort in familiar surroundings.

If you have a relative, friend, or neighbour with dementia, they may forget your name or that you visited them. However, the emotional impression you leave will remain. If your visit has made them feel content and settled, they will hold onto that feeling, even if their memory of you fades. The Dementia Friends initiative from the Alzheimer’s Society offers more information on this topic.

As a community, we need to raise awareness and understanding. It's important not to speak down to someone with dementia or talk over their head. Phrases like “Ah, bless! Aren’t they having a good time?” can be demeaning. If you ask a person with dementia how they feel about such comments, they might respond that it is “degrading” or that they feel “patronised” and that everyone feels sorry for them. They may indeed be enjoying themselves, which is wonderful to see, but it's vital to remember that they were once a major in the Army, a teacher, a parent, a sibling, and a friend. They are still adults with thoughts, feelings, and emotions. They still seek independence and inclusion in their communities.